Black Cloud

What do u do when you really cant say how you feel, when the walls seem as though they are beginning to close in and the breaths you are taking become shorter and shorter.  If I had to summarize 2010 thats how I would say it has made me feel.  I went to sleep with a heavy heart knowing that a friend of mine was fighting for his life; at that very moment that question "what is it about, whats life about" seemed unanswerable. This past weekend I celebrated the coming addition of a new member to the family, and the essence of unity and love;when it comes to the so many of us have done so many things but one thing we have always done is stayed together. May not have always wanted to but we did.For quite sometime its like Ive been living 3 lives, and not in the classic adulterer sense, although i must admit Ive been guilty of that (just being honest) but in the sense that Ive lived for others whom I believed their experience was vicarious- as I go so do they.  It pains me to have to add another person to the list.  It was often said to me, "one of us has to make it" and its true guess thats why i am so quick to congratulate the next person that i see doing things the way they should be done. In my heart i know a change will come soon, but for right now my eyes and ears cannot get passed this black cloud.

Where for art thou 2011

The overwhelming consensus is that 2010 has been a tough year. On the personal note I definitely can agree, and from an objective standpoint- the facts have spoken for themselves. Nothing seems to have gotten better this year. Everytime i look out my window, it seems worst, and when i ask for confirmation- everyone confirms. More so than any other year I think everyones immunity to pain has been heightened. Kind of feels like 1999 where as the new year approached, anxiety mounted. I for one am more than ready for the calendar page to turn. I was asked recently about New Years resolutions. Its rare that I am at a loss for words, but i could not do any better than be honest. In the coming year i see fit to improve my ability to hold myself accountable as well as do better with accepting and overcoming obstacles; in addition, I will allow others to be themselves and focus on ME- for lack of a better term. There seems to be some HOPE on the horizon, I'll try optimism for now- Lord knows its about time my # gets called.