Black Cloud

What do u do when you really cant say how you feel, when the walls seem as though they are beginning to close in and the breaths you are taking become shorter and shorter.  If I had to summarize 2010 thats how I would say it has made me feel.  I went to sleep with a heavy heart knowing that a friend of mine was fighting for his life; at that very moment that question "what is it about, whats life about" seemed unanswerable. This past weekend I celebrated the coming addition of a new member to the family, and the essence of unity and love;when it comes to the so many of us have done so many things but one thing we have always done is stayed together. May not have always wanted to but we did.For quite sometime its like Ive been living 3 lives, and not in the classic adulterer sense, although i must admit Ive been guilty of that (just being honest) but in the sense that Ive lived for others whom I believed their experience was vicarious- as I go so do they.  It pains me to have to add another person to the list.  It was often said to me, "one of us has to make it" and its true guess thats why i am so quick to congratulate the next person that i see doing things the way they should be done. In my heart i know a change will come soon, but for right now my eyes and ears cannot get passed this black cloud.